Sometimes you write and you feel like you’ll be the only one reading, and that’s a good thing. Other times, you pour your heart out expecting someone to notice your words and feel something about them, but you don’t know if you are doing anything that gets inside their minds.

I’ve been having that feeling lately. I know I get to people with all the work that I do, and I appreciate all of you that are there, that read, listen to, buy, and enjoy my art. Ultimately I do it for the sake of doing it, not for the recognition…but it always feels good when your art has an impact for others.

Nonetheless, social media and the internet in general is becoming a high speed place. Somewhere where you learn something and forget who taught you that. Although I do a lot of different things in a different way, I hate when there is a rush to do them.

Sometimes you write and you feel exposed like everyone will notice, but you have to write about it anyway.

November is always a tough month for me. I don’t know exactly why but I guess it has something to do with the eclipses and the stuff going on above. “As above, so below” right?

I’ve been wanting to write this post since the beginning of the month, but I couldn’t convince myself to do it. I couldn’t find my why. I felt like nobody would want to hear about my previous month whether it was an easy or a difficult one. And that makes me sad.

And that makes me not want to do it. But I’m doing it. Even if there’s less than ten days left in this month, I do what I intend to do, and what I know is best for me. Even if the writing doesn’t match the photos.

I’ve always believed writing is one of the most therapeutical thing in the world. Even if nobody reads it. And even if I know there’s many people reading this summaries each month (because I have the stats to prove it) I feel like nobody is really reading them, nobody seems to be listening. As if we read words and they escape our minds as soon as they reach our brains.

For instance, I’ve been feeling resistant to open a Tiktok account for as long as I can remember. As I said to myself: I don’t really want to contribute to a high-speed fast-paced world in which I don’t believe anybody fits in.

But then I though…and what if I contribute, but in a slower and more conscious way. So I started doing a Gratitude Journal in 15 second videos. You can also watch them on my youtube channel, because I know gratitude makes us stop and look at what we have instead of living in auto-pilot.

I don’t write this to play the victim. I actually keep these kind of things to myself because I feel like I can’t be a victim. Not because I feel like being vulnerable is something bad. It’s just that I’ve got used to being the tough, strong woman who can do anything. And although I am, sometimes I feel vulnerable, and every day I feel tired. And that means that sometimes I just don’t want to write a long post about my previous month if I don’t feel like it.

And I start thinking if anyone out there believes these posts will help them feel better, understand something or just have a good time while scrolling to see the food photos. And I feel small in a fast-paced world in which I want to be slow.

I’ve always loved snails, slugs, caterpillars or anything that crawls. I guess it might be because they never leave the floor and they need to go steady, without rushing. When they find there’s danger they contract. I’m kind of like that. I expand myself slowly and keep moving forward, with optimism and without fear, but when I feel overwhelmed I become a ball and stop, until I feel safe again.

Today I felt safe. Today is pouring down outside and I love it. Today I didn’t feel sad, but I’m writing about sadness, which is something I like. I don’t believe happiness is good and sadness is bad. I just let them flow through me and accept what comes.

Today I wanted to share this with you, with some photos of my previous month (October) which sounds so long ago now. Today I didn’t care if anyone was reading. Today is one of those days when I needed to write this for me. To remind me that I am here for me, always, and that will never change. Because I wasn’t there for me in the past, and I just became a ball, but I know now that I can safely keep going, steady, at my own pace.